Of Musings and Spock
by Datsueba
Summary: Captain James T. Kirk contemplates life, the universe and Spock. K/S pairing.


Disclaimer: Not mine.

Enjoy!

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Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise was astounded by the sheer amount of things that could go wrong in an away-mission. It seemed that the universe was out to get his crew, especially the red-shirts because for every other mission, red-shirts fell down like flies and he was kidnapped, experimented on, forced to participate in a strange ritual or plain running from a huge beast in a supposedly safe planet.

It is madness and the curious thing was that eventually most missions work out in favor of the Federation. He is really proud of his crew that no matter how dangerous and/or weird things got, they managed to come atop. They are simply made of awesome. But if his crew was awesome, there were no words to describe Spock, the half-Vulcan that manage to save him more times than not. He was grateful because without Spock he would be a total mess.

How is it that he got to be the Captain Awesomepants of the most beautiful lady of the Federation and beyond? That is the question that he wakes up to every single day, and sometimes, he believes the voice in his head – that sounds extremely similar to Frank's – telling him not to get too comfortable because all of this is not true and it will not last long and a fuck-up from Iowa has no place in the universe.

But it is as if his entire crew was attuned to his emotions as every time the voice starts its tirade an ensign will smile at him, Chekov will talk about 'Mother Russia', or Sulu will joke with him and he is reminded then why he is there, of his value to all the people who trust him as their leader.

He tries his best to not disappoint anyone; he will prove to all the people who didn't see him as more than the poor kid whose father died the day of his birth. Maybe was the reason he rebelled throughout his teenager years, but being honest, he doesn't remember much beyond the haze of booze. Pike struck a chord that night at the bar and he is happy to think that he has made it.

Above all, he wants to prove himself worthy to Spock. He still feels guilty about goading him with the 'your mama's dead and you don't care' even if they discussed the topic and Spock forgave him for it. That day, Spock even apologized to him about trying to about the whole 'choke you to death' though to be fair he provoked him to it.

At times, when he is completely wasted while drinking with Bones, he realizes that probably – _probably_ – he might feel a little more than friendship for his First Officer. Now and then, when Spock plays chess against him, he may admit that he is more concentrated on Spock's minute facial expression, or the fascinating form of his pointed ears. Every so often, on the bridge, he inconspicuously watches Spock and turns around whenever a member of the crew moves, because he was not looking at Spock and dammit, he is the Captain and they are supposed to accept his word as true.

Whenever Spock brushes his fingers with his own, the shock of electricity running through his arm is really nothing. He knows he has achieved his dream and he shouldn't ask for more which is why he refuses to acknowledge his not-feelings for Spock. As long as the Vulcan is around to keep him grounded he is completely happy.

So understandably he is quite surprised when one fateful day Lt. Uhura demands to know his intentions. Even the James T. Kirk patented smile does not manage to calm her down and when he begins to really fear for his life, she seems to realize that this time he has no idea of what he is being accused of. Lo and behold, Uhura proceeds to inform him that he has been kissing his friend without noticing.

This earth-shattering revelation almost knocks him out and he begins to freak out, because from what Uhura tells him, is Spock the one who initiates the kissing – and that sort of makes him feel that someone took advantage of him but since is Spock all is forgiven – so he runs with all his might and he simply loves to be the butt of all the universe's jokes because right now, at the most important moment of his entire life, his First Officer is nowhere to be found.

After an emotionally charged day he returns to his quarters. He opens the door, makes a beeline to the bed and as he is about to flop down he notices something –more like someone – inside his rooms. Spock is standing there, seemingly without a care, and Jim cannot believe his eyes because the person he has been looking for all over is right in front of him and suddenly the long-winded speech he had ready completely vanishes from his mind.

Spock stares at him so Jim stares back. Tension rises in the room. And Jim realizes all he has to do is reach out to Spock because he is here and Jim is here too and Spock made the first move so it's Jim's turn to reciprocate. So he slowly extends his arm with two fingers extended the way Uhura showed him Vulcans kissed. Jim grins.

Spock kind of smiles a not-smile back at him.

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The end.

Hope you liked it!


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